fimmtudagur, maí 05, 2005

Not Tonight Dear

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I
never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured
out why men think with their head and women with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it
hears the words "I do."

For example, one evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just
want you to hold me." I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads hearing: "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy
your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for
who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to
a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to complement her new clothes, so I said let's get a pair for each outfit.

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all, dear. Let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I told her, "No
honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT???!!!"

I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for awhile. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

I don't think I'm having sex tonight, either.

Disa skvisa 07:54 ...